So I had a pregnancy scare recently. As I said to the Top Gay "When sex ends with the words 'uh oh' that's never a good thing." Of course the husband went blissfully about his life while I nervously bit my fingernails to the nub. Thankfully, the old bat showed up, caused me crippling pain, and made me curse the fate of being a woman. So all is right with the world again.
But the scare made me think a lot (as opposed to normally when I don't think at all. Who's got the time for that anyway?). I would REALLY like for the kid to have a sibling. I'm very close to mine and we've been through a lot together. As I get older and slightly crazier, I'd like for the kid to have someone to call and say "Is she for real?" and know that they completely understand what she is talking about. The flip side of that is that right now, I just cannot afford another child. Well, I probably could if I REALLY, REALLY wanted one, but I don't think I do so I'd rather save my pennies for another cruise.
But anyway....
I'm just not a good mother to infants. When the kid was born, I didn't instantly bond with her. I went through a phase of "What the hell do I do with this thing? Can't someone make her stop crying?" I also went through a deep depression which was no fun at all. Well, except for the extreme weight loss which was nice, but otherwise feeling like crap all the time just generally sucked. I also don't like dealing with someone who is totally dependent on me. I don't enjoy wiping asses or hand feeding. I'm not down with being puked on and having to have someone attached to me 24/7. Yes, I'm selfish but this isn't news, people. Isn't there a way that the universe can just deliver me a child of my own making that is instantly 5 years old? One that automatically knows the rules and how to take care of him/herself? One who knows we are his/her parents and that the other kid is his/her sibling? As if they've been there all along but we didn't have to deal with all the stuff that comes along with pregnancy, birth and infancy? Cause that would be cool.
And speaking of 5 year olds...the neighbor kid showed up yesterday looking to play with my kid. Neighbor kid just opened the door to the house (via the garage) and let himself in. I got up off the couch and went to the door thinking the wind just blew it open. Nope, there was a kid there asking for my kid. So I told him that in the future, he needs to go to the FRONT DOOR and RING THE BELL if he wants/needs my kid. You don't just let yourself in. I mean, his parents seem like decent people, but WTF? How does a kid not know to knock or ring the bell before entering a stranger's house? Ok, we aren't TOTAL strangers, but still...knock. Or I'm gonna knock your head off, kid.
