Who's crazy?

Who's crazy to live their whole life

Believing that somehow things aren't as bizarre as they are?

Remembering when I was 20 and brilliant and bold

Those are song lyrics from a fabulous Broadway show called Next to Normal. I recently saw the show with the Top Gay and am obsessed with the soundtrack. While there are a lot of ways that the songs from the show ring true for me, I've been thinking about how appropriate they are for the last few weeks at work.

Example:

The Martyr: "What language do they speak in Spain?"
Me: "uh, Spanish?"
The Martyr: "Oh, ok. I was sure if they spoke, like French-Spanish or something."

Really? I have seriously started looking around to see if I'm on candid camera. There has GOT to be someone waiting to jump out and tell me I've been punk'd.

But all of this wackiness has led me to think about my life a bit. I never, as a child, thought "When I grow up, I want to live in a small mid-western town and do administrative work in a medical office. THAT'S my dream job!" Actually, I can vividly remember being in 3rd grade and being asked to draw a picture of what I wanted to be when I grew up. My answer? An air traffic controller. Seriously. I thought that sounded so important and cool. And all the other kids were saying they wanted to be doctors, firemen, police officers. Even at age 8 I knew that I didn't want to do what other people were doing. When I look back I think it's pretty damn awesome that I thought that way at that age.

When I look at my life now and I think, how the hell did I end up here? I mean, I KNOW how I ended up here, but it's amazing how your dreams get pushed aside for life in general. I don't have a miserable life by any means. I have a decent, steady job (which in this economy is a plus), a nice home, a great family, food in the cabinets and clothes on my back. Right now that's a lot more than many people have and I get that. But I just think there is something fundamentally wrong that we get so caught up in "stuff" rather than living our lives and doing what makes us happy. Yes, I could go all Oprah on you and say "give it all up and live your dream!" but how realistic is that? My husband is a struggling entrepreneur and I have a kid in school. Right now I'm the breadwinner and benefits provider. I can't just give it all up to find myself. Well, I guess I can, but I'm not THAT selfish (and that's saying a lot).

So who's crazy? Well I know the people I work with are batshit crazy which in turn makes ME crazy. But am I crazy for "giving up" my life for my family? Am I crazy for settling with what I've got? I guess only time will tell.