You know what I hate about this week? I hate that I feel like the whole world is on vacation except for me. Every single company I work with is closed this week. Driving to work I pass through a major university. Students and staff are off for winter break. I pass by a major equipment company. They are closed. It's like a dead zone. Except for me, driving to work.
You know what else I hate? How a large majority of these companies are closed and the employees have the time off FOR FREE! When my office is closed on Christmas Day, I have to use PTO time. Yeah, I don't even have the CHOICE of working or not, yet I have to take PTO time. Most of these other places are closed for a week or more and their employees get that time for free. This week is the one week a year that I feel shit on. I don't have enough vacation time to take a whole week off so here I sit.
Now of course on Sunday afternoon, after having 4 days off, I was ready to go back to work. Ready to escape the house and all that together time. But two days back was enough. Two days of twiddling my thumbs and surfing the net was enough for me. After coming home from work at night to hear about how bored my poor, suffering child is and how crazed my poor work-at-home husband is, is enough to make me want to take a day at home just to shut everyone up.
And since we're talking about things I hate, let me also touch on great office gift exchange. I hate that too. I don't buy anything for my coworkers. I spend 40 hours a week with them. Isn't that gift enough? But seriously, it's like buying for a stranger. You don't want to spend too much but you feel like you have to get them something (this excludes me of course). So what did I get this year? A candle (from a chick that sells them on the side), and a pair of socks (which may or may not have been used) and some Mary Kay products (again, from a chick that sells it on the side). I know I sound like a grinch but I would really rather have nothing. If you feel so compelled to do something for me, give the $5 to charity. GLAAD is having a $5 donation campaign right now. There you go! If you're a Jesus Freak, then give it to your church or buy a toy for a child in need. That would mean so much more to me than used socks.
It's funny how all those religious people are crying out that we need to remember "the reason for the season!" yet those are the same people who are buying these little shit gifts for everyone. If you don't know what to get me, ask. I'll tell you. If I have no ideas, then do what I mentioned above and donate to charity or buy something for a child in need. Or better yet, buy me a vacation cause I sure could use one right about now.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Back at it!
I'm back! After getting myself caught up in the stress and craziness of the holidays, I'm finally back at work and ready to blog again. HA! Funny how that works.
While I was wound up in the holiday, I didn't find the time to watch the news. Endless holiday movies? Yes. News? No. So it was via Twitter (of course!) that I found out about the attempted bombing of Northwest flight 253. Now I admit that every time something like this happens, I have a moment of thinking about what I would do in such a situation. Would I jump up and tackle a would be terrorist or would I hunker down in my seat and protectively hover over my kid? Would I suddenly start praying or whip out my cell phone and try to call my loved ones? I like to think I know what I would do (most likely hunker down and protectively hover over the kid) but who knows what would really happen when adrenaline kicks in and you're in the moment. Anything could happen.
Anyway, Secretary Napolitano was on the airwaves touting how much safer we are now that they have tightened security on flights. They have taken away all pillows and blankets, refused passengers the right to use personal items and the right to get out of their seats all during the last hour of the flight. Wow. Really? So this is going to stop a would be terrorist? All this means is that any idiot with the same idea would just do his "job" either earlier in the flight or directly from the comfort of his own seat (rather than using the restroom to assemble his means). Gee, I feel safer already.
Remember the shoe bomber? That was eight years ago. EIGHT! For eight years we have been taking our shoes off at airport security and guess what? Another bomber got on a plane with explosives in his UNDERWEAR! How about we starting using our heads and think about NEW ways that terrorists might carry explosives on a flight rather than trying to cover our ass after it's already been exposed. I mean, how stupid do we look to these people? A bunch of scraggly terrorists that live in caves can outsmart one of the greatest nations in the world.
And of course everyone is finger pointing. Congress is demanding answers. Who let this person on a flight? Why didn't security catch him? Well, first of all, he went through screening in Amsterdam. We cannot control their security procedures. If they failed, they failed. Unfortunately, we paid the price for it, but what can you do? We can't legislate how they maintain their airport security. Secondly, as Napolitano herself said, without any "credible" evidence, this person cannot be classified as a security risk. Yes, it's easy to see how he was tied to terrorists AFTER the fact, but without evidence, how could we tie him to anyone beforehand? And if we did investigate every little nugget that came into the National Counterterrorism Center people would be bitching about all the money and resources we were wasting on false leads.
Look, I'm all for keeping a watchful eye on people. I grew up in NY with a slightly paranoid mother. I know to watch my back and to not go into New York City with any jewelry on (thanks, mom). But I also don't think that everyone that is different is a terrorist. And I refuse to live my life in fear that every foreigner I run into is going to want to kill me. I think half of the airport and airline security procedures are BS. Taking away my pillow is not going to stop a terrorist from blowing up a plane. I'm sure the government has to do something to try to calm the fear, but I honestly believe that our best defense in the air is ourselves. We've proven that time and again. I'm not saying we shouldn't have any security measures, but I think we should take a step back and re-evaluate what we're doing.
While I was wound up in the holiday, I didn't find the time to watch the news. Endless holiday movies? Yes. News? No. So it was via Twitter (of course!) that I found out about the attempted bombing of Northwest flight 253. Now I admit that every time something like this happens, I have a moment of thinking about what I would do in such a situation. Would I jump up and tackle a would be terrorist or would I hunker down in my seat and protectively hover over my kid? Would I suddenly start praying or whip out my cell phone and try to call my loved ones? I like to think I know what I would do (most likely hunker down and protectively hover over the kid) but who knows what would really happen when adrenaline kicks in and you're in the moment. Anything could happen.
Anyway, Secretary Napolitano was on the airwaves touting how much safer we are now that they have tightened security on flights. They have taken away all pillows and blankets, refused passengers the right to use personal items and the right to get out of their seats all during the last hour of the flight. Wow. Really? So this is going to stop a would be terrorist? All this means is that any idiot with the same idea would just do his "job" either earlier in the flight or directly from the comfort of his own seat (rather than using the restroom to assemble his means). Gee, I feel safer already.
Remember the shoe bomber? That was eight years ago. EIGHT! For eight years we have been taking our shoes off at airport security and guess what? Another bomber got on a plane with explosives in his UNDERWEAR! How about we starting using our heads and think about NEW ways that terrorists might carry explosives on a flight rather than trying to cover our ass after it's already been exposed. I mean, how stupid do we look to these people? A bunch of scraggly terrorists that live in caves can outsmart one of the greatest nations in the world.
And of course everyone is finger pointing. Congress is demanding answers. Who let this person on a flight? Why didn't security catch him? Well, first of all, he went through screening in Amsterdam. We cannot control their security procedures. If they failed, they failed. Unfortunately, we paid the price for it, but what can you do? We can't legislate how they maintain their airport security. Secondly, as Napolitano herself said, without any "credible" evidence, this person cannot be classified as a security risk. Yes, it's easy to see how he was tied to terrorists AFTER the fact, but without evidence, how could we tie him to anyone beforehand? And if we did investigate every little nugget that came into the National Counterterrorism Center people would be bitching about all the money and resources we were wasting on false leads.
Look, I'm all for keeping a watchful eye on people. I grew up in NY with a slightly paranoid mother. I know to watch my back and to not go into New York City with any jewelry on (thanks, mom). But I also don't think that everyone that is different is a terrorist. And I refuse to live my life in fear that every foreigner I run into is going to want to kill me. I think half of the airport and airline security procedures are BS. Taking away my pillow is not going to stop a terrorist from blowing up a plane. I'm sure the government has to do something to try to calm the fear, but I honestly believe that our best defense in the air is ourselves. We've proven that time and again. I'm not saying we shouldn't have any security measures, but I think we should take a step back and re-evaluate what we're doing.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Top Ten
I was perusing Twitter this morning and saw that Meghan McCain (yes, I follow her - don't judge me.) created a list of the most interesting people of 2009. Since when do we care who Meghan McCain thinks is interesting? She isn't even all that interesting herself half the time. Except when she takes an obviously sexy photo and then gets all dumb blonde on us about it. Like, OMG, I didn't know this was gonna cause a stir! *giggle*
So in salute to Megs, I hereby give you MY list of the Top Ten Most Interesting People of 2009. (Please note that these are in random order because I'm too damn lazy to really THINK about this and much like Meghan McCain, I don't think anyone cares.)
#10 Tiger Woods
Ok, so the man that seemingly has everything apparently can't get enough rough sex. I definitely think that's interesting. I will continue to watch to see the layers unfold on this drama.
#9 Sarah Palin
Yeah, I said it. But I think she's interesting because you just never know what kind of crazy may come out of her mouth next. It's like she really has no common sense. She made millions off of her book deal but couldn't afford a new visor before her Hawaiian vacation? She literally had to black out John McCain's name on the one she had? And she didn't think that would attract attention? Yeah, morons are interesting.
#8 Capt. Sullenberger
He landed the USAirways jet in the Hudson River. I am fascinated by him because he has some sort of PR machine behind him. He always has the right answer and is never emotional. I think he is a hero, but is he really human?
#7 Bernie Madoff
It just blows my mind that this guy ran this Ponzi scheme for YEARS and no one thought anything of it. Really? No one thought the massive returns on their investments were too good to be true? I just don't get it. But Bernie did. He knew these people would believe anything and he took them for all they were worth. I just wonder where the rest of the money is hidden now.
#6 Lady GaGa
I don't understand her or her "art". I don't really want to but I am oddly fascinated by her. Her songs annoy the shit out of me though.
#5 The Obamas
They look like they run a tight ship but yet are relaxed and cool. They put forth the image that they have a fabulous marriage and great family. There is no way their lives are as perfect as they make it out to be. I would LOVE to see the finger waving and head bobbing that goes on behind closed doors.
#4 The Real Housewives of New Jersey
Dude, anyone grown woman that flips a table is interesting.
#3 The Duggars
Like a car wreck, I cannot turn away. For two good Christians, Jim Bob and Michelle can't seem to keep their hands off of each other. I don't quite think that's what the Lord had in mind when he talked about procreating. They never watch tv, don't seem to really have friends, they homeschool and they all look like clones of each other. Watching them visit a school and seeing what the real world like is fascinating.
#2 Stephanie Meyer
It's pretty bad ass when you wake up from a dream and then write a best selling teen series about it. Although the whole Mormon angle of her beliefs obviously creeps into the story, but I can still admire a stay at home mom turned superstar (so to speak).
#1 Julia Child
I went to see Julie and Julia this summer and then followed that up with Julia's book about her life in France. She was a saucy little bitch and I love her for it. Definitely pick up that book if you haven't read it.
So are you blown away? Amazed? Intrigued? Or all of the above? Babs has nothing on me.
So in salute to Megs, I hereby give you MY list of the Top Ten Most Interesting People of 2009. (Please note that these are in random order because I'm too damn lazy to really THINK about this and much like Meghan McCain, I don't think anyone cares.)
#10 Tiger Woods
Ok, so the man that seemingly has everything apparently can't get enough rough sex. I definitely think that's interesting. I will continue to watch to see the layers unfold on this drama.
#9 Sarah Palin
Yeah, I said it. But I think she's interesting because you just never know what kind of crazy may come out of her mouth next. It's like she really has no common sense. She made millions off of her book deal but couldn't afford a new visor before her Hawaiian vacation? She literally had to black out John McCain's name on the one she had? And she didn't think that would attract attention? Yeah, morons are interesting.
#8 Capt. Sullenberger
He landed the USAirways jet in the Hudson River. I am fascinated by him because he has some sort of PR machine behind him. He always has the right answer and is never emotional. I think he is a hero, but is he really human?
#7 Bernie Madoff
It just blows my mind that this guy ran this Ponzi scheme for YEARS and no one thought anything of it. Really? No one thought the massive returns on their investments were too good to be true? I just don't get it. But Bernie did. He knew these people would believe anything and he took them for all they were worth. I just wonder where the rest of the money is hidden now.
#6 Lady GaGa
I don't understand her or her "art". I don't really want to but I am oddly fascinated by her. Her songs annoy the shit out of me though.
#5 The Obamas
They look like they run a tight ship but yet are relaxed and cool. They put forth the image that they have a fabulous marriage and great family. There is no way their lives are as perfect as they make it out to be. I would LOVE to see the finger waving and head bobbing that goes on behind closed doors.
#4 The Real Housewives of New Jersey
Dude, anyone grown woman that flips a table is interesting.
#3 The Duggars
Like a car wreck, I cannot turn away. For two good Christians, Jim Bob and Michelle can't seem to keep their hands off of each other. I don't quite think that's what the Lord had in mind when he talked about procreating. They never watch tv, don't seem to really have friends, they homeschool and they all look like clones of each other. Watching them visit a school and seeing what the real world like is fascinating.
#2 Stephanie Meyer
It's pretty bad ass when you wake up from a dream and then write a best selling teen series about it. Although the whole Mormon angle of her beliefs obviously creeps into the story, but I can still admire a stay at home mom turned superstar (so to speak).
#1 Julia Child
I went to see Julie and Julia this summer and then followed that up with Julia's book about her life in France. She was a saucy little bitch and I love her for it. Definitely pick up that book if you haven't read it.
So are you blown away? Amazed? Intrigued? Or all of the above? Babs has nothing on me.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Jersey
I'm old. I mean I did find THREE gray hairs the other day. THREE! But I think the real reason I'm old is because I watched Jersey Shore on MTV.
Everyone has been talking about this show. The Italian-Americans are all up in arms about how this portrays them. Funny, no one seemed to care about The Godfather or The Sopranos. There was even a reality show about Victoria Gotti and her family; and let's not forget The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Somehow, these shows were ok, but Jersey Shore is not. A show about a bunch of 20-something kids doing what 20-something kids do. And don't they realize that raising a stink only causes MORE people to watch just to see what everyone is huffing and puffing about? Duh.
I just don't get why people are shocked and upset about this. Personally, I think it's dumb. It's a bunch of kids thinking they are better than everyone else and generally causing a lot of un-necessary drama. And what's with all the stupid nicknames? Really, what girl is gonna fall for some douche bag with a name like "The Situation"? Only the girl that sees the camera crew, that's who. And what about J-Woww (yes, two W's). Guys like her because she prances around half naked. Not because of the 2 W's in her name or the brain that I know resides inside of her skull.
I grew up in New York. I know all about guidos and the Jersey Shore. I spent lots of time with both in my younger years. But then I graduated college and moved to DC and guess what? The same scene was happening there. Mix a bunch of government staffers who thing they are god's gift and cart them up to Bethany Beach in Delaware and there you have it. Point being that while MTV focused on a group that frequents the Jersey Shore, the same type of people are everywhere and they are all doing the same things. Get over it.
So thanks Italian-Americans for making me tune in. Unfortunately for MTV, I'm tuning back out. Apparently I'm too old.
Everyone has been talking about this show. The Italian-Americans are all up in arms about how this portrays them. Funny, no one seemed to care about The Godfather or The Sopranos. There was even a reality show about Victoria Gotti and her family; and let's not forget The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Somehow, these shows were ok, but Jersey Shore is not. A show about a bunch of 20-something kids doing what 20-something kids do. And don't they realize that raising a stink only causes MORE people to watch just to see what everyone is huffing and puffing about? Duh.
I just don't get why people are shocked and upset about this. Personally, I think it's dumb. It's a bunch of kids thinking they are better than everyone else and generally causing a lot of un-necessary drama. And what's with all the stupid nicknames? Really, what girl is gonna fall for some douche bag with a name like "The Situation"? Only the girl that sees the camera crew, that's who. And what about J-Woww (yes, two W's). Guys like her because she prances around half naked. Not because of the 2 W's in her name or the brain that I know resides inside of her skull.
I grew up in New York. I know all about guidos and the Jersey Shore. I spent lots of time with both in my younger years. But then I graduated college and moved to DC and guess what? The same scene was happening there. Mix a bunch of government staffers who thing they are god's gift and cart them up to Bethany Beach in Delaware and there you have it. Point being that while MTV focused on a group that frequents the Jersey Shore, the same type of people are everywhere and they are all doing the same things. Get over it.
So thanks Italian-Americans for making me tune in. Unfortunately for MTV, I'm tuning back out. Apparently I'm too old.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Best Story Ever!
A friend shared this story with me this morning. Truly one of the best stories ever. People, do not mess with the gays. You will never win.
OK, last night was our resident party. We go off property (easier on us) rather than having a shindig in our building. One of my fave little joints in midtown. All my favorite resident gays. Good times. So my two favorite resident gays invite C and I to the after party at a bar down the street. We consider it but then think we should get home and relieve the babysitter. This is what we missed:
RG (resident gay) Brad is tipsy. RG Scott wants to go meet his new crush, RG Rocker (don't know his real name - he plays guitar, that's what they call him) but wants to be casual about it so he asks RG Brad to come along. Brad wants a sammich. They stop and get one at a bbq joint and keep walking. RG Scott and RG Rocker meet up and start making out, annoying RG Brad who steps over to his car (to sit and eat his sammich). Suddenly, a black mercedes pulls up, a 5 foot tall little chica hops out, waves a gun at Scott and Rocker and demands money.
RG Scott, annoyed that his smooch was interrupted, says "Bitch get outta here with that little cap gun and piss off." She fires the gun at the sidewalk. RG Brad turns around, dazed, wondering who the hell is throwing firecrackers. Chick jumps back in her car and speeds off. Scott yells to Brad to call 911 because "that stupid little bitch just tried to rob me!" They all take off on foot after her and see her stuck in traffic up ahead. Cops just happened to be about a block away, the RGs flag them down and yell that the bitch in the mercedes just held them up. Cops pursue her, catch her, and ask RG Scott for a description.
He says "she was 5'2, probably 125 lbs, bown hair past her shoulder, wearing a white tshirt, seven for mankind jeans, and brown leather shoes." Cop is stunned, leads him to the cop car where pissed off, glass kicking chick is now handcuffed, and damn if he wasn't spot on with every tiny detail. Lesson learned, kids: Don't rob a gay man in midtown because he WILL be able to describe you right down to whether or not you have VPL.
Turns out, she had just tried to rob another dude a few blocks away and he also laughed her off. It was not a cap gun, it was a real gun. She denied firing it and RG Scott said "oh, if that trashy little bitch wants to question my memory, I will take you to the exact spot on the sidewalk". At that point, she admitted it but said she wasn't shooting AT him, just at the sidewalk and kicked the window again and said "stop wasting my time and take me to fucking jail already", while my RGs stood inches from the squad car, taunting her and her outdated mercedes ("I recognized the car right away because my grandmother had the same one back in 1987" and "I'm NOT being snobby, I'm just saying!"). Snort.
OK, last night was our resident party. We go off property (easier on us) rather than having a shindig in our building. One of my fave little joints in midtown. All my favorite resident gays. Good times. So my two favorite resident gays invite C and I to the after party at a bar down the street. We consider it but then think we should get home and relieve the babysitter. This is what we missed:
RG (resident gay) Brad is tipsy. RG Scott wants to go meet his new crush, RG Rocker (don't know his real name - he plays guitar, that's what they call him) but wants to be casual about it so he asks RG Brad to come along. Brad wants a sammich. They stop and get one at a bbq joint and keep walking. RG Scott and RG Rocker meet up and start making out, annoying RG Brad who steps over to his car (to sit and eat his sammich). Suddenly, a black mercedes pulls up, a 5 foot tall little chica hops out, waves a gun at Scott and Rocker and demands money.
RG Scott, annoyed that his smooch was interrupted, says "Bitch get outta here with that little cap gun and piss off." She fires the gun at the sidewalk. RG Brad turns around, dazed, wondering who the hell is throwing firecrackers. Chick jumps back in her car and speeds off. Scott yells to Brad to call 911 because "that stupid little bitch just tried to rob me!" They all take off on foot after her and see her stuck in traffic up ahead. Cops just happened to be about a block away, the RGs flag them down and yell that the bitch in the mercedes just held them up. Cops pursue her, catch her, and ask RG Scott for a description.
He says "she was 5'2, probably 125 lbs, bown hair past her shoulder, wearing a white tshirt, seven for mankind jeans, and brown leather shoes." Cop is stunned, leads him to the cop car where pissed off, glass kicking chick is now handcuffed, and damn if he wasn't spot on with every tiny detail. Lesson learned, kids: Don't rob a gay man in midtown because he WILL be able to describe you right down to whether or not you have VPL.
Turns out, she had just tried to rob another dude a few blocks away and he also laughed her off. It was not a cap gun, it was a real gun. She denied firing it and RG Scott said "oh, if that trashy little bitch wants to question my memory, I will take you to the exact spot on the sidewalk". At that point, she admitted it but said she wasn't shooting AT him, just at the sidewalk and kicked the window again and said "stop wasting my time and take me to fucking jail already", while my RGs stood inches from the squad car, taunting her and her outdated mercedes ("I recognized the car right away because my grandmother had the same one back in 1987" and "I'm NOT being snobby, I'm just saying!"). Snort.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
What ever happened to common sense?
Driving in to work today I was listening to CNN on XM radio. They had a quick blurb on how roman shades and window blinds (50 million of them) were being recalled due to strangulation. I think they said there were 5 deaths total in the last few years. Gee, 5 whole deaths? That's all it takes to recall millions of window coverings? Now I'm not saying those deaths weren't tragic or devastating to the families they affected, but what is this world coming to that we have 5 deaths and now have to take back all the window coverings? Do people seriously not know that putting a cord around your neck is bad? Do they leave cords lying around when children are present?
And what about the swine flu? Oh wait, I'm sorry, the H1N1. Don't want to offend any pigs here. A few people get sick and suddenly there is mass hysteria. Even my own husband jumped on the bandwagon. "We need to get her vaccinated!" People were wearing masks everywhere you went. Hand sanitizer within reach no matter where you were. What happened that people stopped practicing basic hygiene? Why did I need a 10 page document (literally) from daycare telling me how to wash my hands? Are we a bunch a savages that have suddenly discovered that we can spread germs if we don't wash our hands?
Last week I wrote about some 21 year old guy that literally got out of his car on the highway after an accident. He got out because he saw a truck headed towards him. Are we now going to recall vehicles because someone was too dumb to remember to stay INSIDE of one while on the highway?
I sometimes think that we have access to too much information. It's like those Bing ads:
You have to stop and wonder how on earth we survived as a species. How did we all survive without car seats and bike helmets? Without cell phones and computers?
The answer? We survived with common sense.
And what about the swine flu? Oh wait, I'm sorry, the H1N1. Don't want to offend any pigs here. A few people get sick and suddenly there is mass hysteria. Even my own husband jumped on the bandwagon. "We need to get her vaccinated!" People were wearing masks everywhere you went. Hand sanitizer within reach no matter where you were. What happened that people stopped practicing basic hygiene? Why did I need a 10 page document (literally) from daycare telling me how to wash my hands? Are we a bunch a savages that have suddenly discovered that we can spread germs if we don't wash our hands?
Last week I wrote about some 21 year old guy that literally got out of his car on the highway after an accident. He got out because he saw a truck headed towards him. Are we now going to recall vehicles because someone was too dumb to remember to stay INSIDE of one while on the highway?
I sometimes think that we have access to too much information. It's like those Bing ads:
You have to stop and wonder how on earth we survived as a species. How did we all survive without car seats and bike helmets? Without cell phones and computers?
The answer? We survived with common sense.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Crazy Facebook Lady
My kid has a friend that she met in pre-school. This kid (we'll call her L) is annoying as hell. She's a spoiled brat. Her parents are both therapists so that gives you a clue as to how wacky this child is. I call L's mother the Crazy Facebook Lady. Why, you ask? Because last year she posted a whole therapy-esque missive on my Facebook wall. The kids had a tiff at school and L whined to her mother and the mother posted the ENTIRE episode on my FB wall. Including a note that asked me (the adult) to call her kid (a 5 year old) to discuss the situation.
Ok, first of all, if you want to post that on my FB wall have at it. But when you post your home phone number for everyone to see, I am NOT responsible for any prank calls you may or may not receive. I am also not responsible when my other Facebook friends come out and respond to your post and attack you. *ahem* Secondly, the kids need to work it out. I'm not speaking to a 5 year old about some stupid tiff she got into with my kid. They are old enough to work it out and this mommy ain't stepping in to solve my kid's problems. When I emailed this to the mother, she responded with painstaking detail (again) about everything that happened and how hurt her kid was, blah, blah, blah. I just deleted her email.
Flash forward to last Thursday. I get home and am cooking dinner. CFBL texts me that she wants to stop by with a party invitation for Saturday. It's a last minute sleepover thing for the girls. I'm not thrilled about this and immediately go into survival mode. Do I take the kid to the store so we're not here when they arrive? Do I flat out deny the party? God I hate the fucking woman! How do I avoid this??
At 7:15 the doorbell rings. I didn't tell my kid they were coming so she is surprised and happy. CFBL and her kid come in and hand us the invitation. Of course the kids want to play so we say fine, they can play for a few minutes. AN HOUR LATER they are still at my house. CFBL has left her puppy in the car and it's 15 degrees out. I have a throbbing headache since L is a screaming banshee that has terrorized my house and my dog. I'm doing all I can to get them out of my house without directly kicking them out. They finally leave at about 8:30. My husband says "Man, that woman is annoying." I tell him now he finally understands.
During the summer, my kid was begging for a play date with some pre-school friends. CFBL shows up with her kid. They have a backpack and a sleeping bag. "Well, L wanted to sleep over so she brought her stuff." Um, this wasn't a sleepover and it's NOON. And now I've got another kid that thinks she wasn't invited to sleep over! By 11pm L wanted to go home (and I wanted her to go home too) so I handed her the phone and made her call her mother. I didn't even try to get her stay.
So now CFBL has been harassing me about what I'm doing with my kid over Christmas break. I've been avoiding her like the plague. This weekend she told me she suckered (my word, no hers) some other parent to take her kid for 3 days one week. This also includes a sleepover. My husband and I just laughed. That poor woman has no idea what she signed up for. But at least she can be someone else's cross to bear.
Ok, first of all, if you want to post that on my FB wall have at it. But when you post your home phone number for everyone to see, I am NOT responsible for any prank calls you may or may not receive. I am also not responsible when my other Facebook friends come out and respond to your post and attack you. *ahem* Secondly, the kids need to work it out. I'm not speaking to a 5 year old about some stupid tiff she got into with my kid. They are old enough to work it out and this mommy ain't stepping in to solve my kid's problems. When I emailed this to the mother, she responded with painstaking detail (again) about everything that happened and how hurt her kid was, blah, blah, blah. I just deleted her email.
Flash forward to last Thursday. I get home and am cooking dinner. CFBL texts me that she wants to stop by with a party invitation for Saturday. It's a last minute sleepover thing for the girls. I'm not thrilled about this and immediately go into survival mode. Do I take the kid to the store so we're not here when they arrive? Do I flat out deny the party? God I hate the fucking woman! How do I avoid this??
At 7:15 the doorbell rings. I didn't tell my kid they were coming so she is surprised and happy. CFBL and her kid come in and hand us the invitation. Of course the kids want to play so we say fine, they can play for a few minutes. AN HOUR LATER they are still at my house. CFBL has left her puppy in the car and it's 15 degrees out. I have a throbbing headache since L is a screaming banshee that has terrorized my house and my dog. I'm doing all I can to get them out of my house without directly kicking them out. They finally leave at about 8:30. My husband says "Man, that woman is annoying." I tell him now he finally understands.
During the summer, my kid was begging for a play date with some pre-school friends. CFBL shows up with her kid. They have a backpack and a sleeping bag. "Well, L wanted to sleep over so she brought her stuff." Um, this wasn't a sleepover and it's NOON. And now I've got another kid that thinks she wasn't invited to sleep over! By 11pm L wanted to go home (and I wanted her to go home too) so I handed her the phone and made her call her mother. I didn't even try to get her stay.
So now CFBL has been harassing me about what I'm doing with my kid over Christmas break. I've been avoiding her like the plague. This weekend she told me she suckered (my word, no hers) some other parent to take her kid for 3 days one week. This also includes a sleepover. My husband and I just laughed. That poor woman has no idea what she signed up for. But at least she can be someone else's cross to bear.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
No time to be sick
Why do we, as Americans, have such shitty vacation and sick policies?
Why, as one of the leading nations of the world, do we not care about
our own citizens?
This thought came to me yesterday as I came in to work sick. I was up
half the night on Tuesday because some new medication I'm taking has
me feeling worse than the issues it was supposed to manage. Yesterday
morning I woke up still feeling like crap. My first thought was "I'm
calling in!" Then I thought, "Shit, I don't have enough PTO time."
So I got up, got dressed and came in. I can't even tell you how many
times I've done this and how many time I've watched other people do
this. It's all too common. Wonder why we have things like the H1N1
"pandemic"? Because people don't have the sick leave to stay home
with their kids or to take care of themselves. The almighty dollar is
always more important to businesses rather than the health and welfare
of their employees.
The previous company I worked for did a lot of work in Europe. Every
summer, there was the August shut down. A month of time off for the
workers there. A MONTH! Of course that would leave all of us
overworked Americans feeling angry and jealous. Of course these same
people got another chunk of time over the holidays. To the Europeans,
they would never work on a holiday. They expect you to be with
family. Here, we were expected to be at work. SOMEONE had to be in
the office. What if there was an emergency? By the way, that company
only gave you 2 weeks of vacation and zero (yes, I said ZERO) sick
leave.
And what about maternity leave? If you're lucky, you get 6 weeks
UNPAID leave. That's your payment for giving birth. Six weeks of
unpaid leave. You're barely functioning as a human with your world
turned upside down and now you've got to return to work. I wonder
what productivity rates are for new mothers that get this kind of
leave? I was "fortunate" and had 3 months off with 60% pay thanks to
short term disability. My Canadian friends cannot believe that we do
this. They get an entire YEAR off for maternity leave. A year with
your job guaranteed when you return. I can't even imagine what that
must be like. And they get PAID for that as well. In my current job,
you have to be an employee for a year before you even qualify for
maternity benefits. And then they suck out a chuck of your PTO time
before they even tap into FMLA. Better keep your legs closed people!
When I was still in DC I worked for a lobbying firm. We had unlimited
sick leave and vacation time. Yes, you read that right. Unlimited.
People thought this was absolutely insane. It was. Insanely good for
me! But you know what? NO ONE took advantage of it. Yes, people
took time off, but no one came in to the office if they were sick.
People stayed home with their kids and didn't worry about it. People
took vacation time and the office was closed on every major holiday.
In return, we did bust our asses when we were in the office, but I do
think this is a prime example of giving the workers some credit.
Everyone is so worried that people will take advantage and never show
up or do a good job. If you do find those people, then FIRE THEM!
There are plenty of good people that WILL do the work and WILL respect
the policies.
My current job is very strict on PTO time. We accrue time with each
pay period (every two weeks). So over the year I think an average
employee racks up about 24 days of PTO. Not bad, right? But every
holiday during the year that the office is closed is removed from that
amount. So that's 6 days off the top. So you're down to 18 now which
still isn't all that bad. That's almost 4 weeks. But once you throw
in a family situation (like kids) and you're slowing losing days.
Kids get sick, you get sick. This year I had a family funeral. But
bereavement leave is only for immediate family so I didn't qualify for
that time off. It had to come out of my PTO. And again, you don't
get the lump sum of days at the start of the year. You are accruing
them all year long. And if you don't have the time in your bank, they
will deny you leave. No such thing as unpaid time. So you are slowly
upping your time each month and then whacking it back down when your
kid gets sick, someone dies, or god forbid you take a vacation. It's
a constant struggle. Which is why I am at work sick. Again. I've
got just enough time to cover me for the holidays. There is no time
to be sick.
Why, as one of the leading nations of the world, do we not care about
our own citizens?
This thought came to me yesterday as I came in to work sick. I was up
half the night on Tuesday because some new medication I'm taking has
me feeling worse than the issues it was supposed to manage. Yesterday
morning I woke up still feeling like crap. My first thought was "I'm
calling in!" Then I thought, "Shit, I don't have enough PTO time."
So I got up, got dressed and came in. I can't even tell you how many
times I've done this and how many time I've watched other people do
this. It's all too common. Wonder why we have things like the H1N1
"pandemic"? Because people don't have the sick leave to stay home
with their kids or to take care of themselves. The almighty dollar is
always more important to businesses rather than the health and welfare
of their employees.
The previous company I worked for did a lot of work in Europe. Every
summer, there was the August shut down. A month of time off for the
workers there. A MONTH! Of course that would leave all of us
overworked Americans feeling angry and jealous. Of course these same
people got another chunk of time over the holidays. To the Europeans,
they would never work on a holiday. They expect you to be with
family. Here, we were expected to be at work. SOMEONE had to be in
the office. What if there was an emergency? By the way, that company
only gave you 2 weeks of vacation and zero (yes, I said ZERO) sick
leave.
And what about maternity leave? If you're lucky, you get 6 weeks
UNPAID leave. That's your payment for giving birth. Six weeks of
unpaid leave. You're barely functioning as a human with your world
turned upside down and now you've got to return to work. I wonder
what productivity rates are for new mothers that get this kind of
leave? I was "fortunate" and had 3 months off with 60% pay thanks to
short term disability. My Canadian friends cannot believe that we do
this. They get an entire YEAR off for maternity leave. A year with
your job guaranteed when you return. I can't even imagine what that
must be like. And they get PAID for that as well. In my current job,
you have to be an employee for a year before you even qualify for
maternity benefits. And then they suck out a chuck of your PTO time
before they even tap into FMLA. Better keep your legs closed people!
When I was still in DC I worked for a lobbying firm. We had unlimited
sick leave and vacation time. Yes, you read that right. Unlimited.
People thought this was absolutely insane. It was. Insanely good for
me! But you know what? NO ONE took advantage of it. Yes, people
took time off, but no one came in to the office if they were sick.
People stayed home with their kids and didn't worry about it. People
took vacation time and the office was closed on every major holiday.
In return, we did bust our asses when we were in the office, but I do
think this is a prime example of giving the workers some credit.
Everyone is so worried that people will take advantage and never show
up or do a good job. If you do find those people, then FIRE THEM!
There are plenty of good people that WILL do the work and WILL respect
the policies.
My current job is very strict on PTO time. We accrue time with each
pay period (every two weeks). So over the year I think an average
employee racks up about 24 days of PTO. Not bad, right? But every
holiday during the year that the office is closed is removed from that
amount. So that's 6 days off the top. So you're down to 18 now which
still isn't all that bad. That's almost 4 weeks. But once you throw
in a family situation (like kids) and you're slowing losing days.
Kids get sick, you get sick. This year I had a family funeral. But
bereavement leave is only for immediate family so I didn't qualify for
that time off. It had to come out of my PTO. And again, you don't
get the lump sum of days at the start of the year. You are accruing
them all year long. And if you don't have the time in your bank, they
will deny you leave. No such thing as unpaid time. So you are slowly
upping your time each month and then whacking it back down when your
kid gets sick, someone dies, or god forbid you take a vacation. It's
a constant struggle. Which is why I am at work sick. Again. I've
got just enough time to cover me for the holidays. There is no time
to be sick.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Punk'd
Yesterday morning we had a dusting of snow. Did you read that? A dusting. Suddenly everyone acted as if we lived in Florida and got a snowfall. No one knew how to drive. Everyone was going about 20 mph on roads that were totally clear. People were slamming on their brakes when a car a mile in front of them came to a stop. There was even a fatal accident on the highway because some idiot crashed and then GOT OUT OF HIS CAR because he saw a truck coming towards him. Isn't that some basic rule of driving? Stay in the car? Especially when you're on the highway? Anyway, by the time I pulled into the parking lot at work I was a jittery mess. And I hadn't even had any coffee! Which, by the way, pissed me off because I WANTED to go to Starbucks, but since the morons were out, I ended up with no time to stop.
About 15 minutes after sitting my ass in my chair, the phone rings. It's my darling husband. He is FREAKING OUT. Why you ask? Because while he was taking the kid to the bus (he's Mr. Mom) the dog decided that she was going to eat the frozen steaks I set on the counter to thaw. Yup. She opened the ziploc back and ate the steaks, foil and all. Mr. Mom (MM) was freaking out because the dog just ate $30 worth of steak. Not that the dog ate frozen meat and foil, but that he was out $30 for steak. "Something has to be done!" he yelled at me. Uh, ok, what would you like me to do? "She needs training or something!" Ok, so find her some. And then take her to it. But we all know that isn't his plan. His plan is that *I* find the training and that *I* take the dog to it. Because really, I'm sitting around eating bon bons all day with nothing else to do. So I let him rant and then hung up.
Later on that day MM emails me to let me know he's sick with flu-like symptoms. I tell him to go lay down, take some tylenol and some immodium and chill out. Later I get home with the kid and we run around like crazy for an hour doing laundry, taking care of the dog and doing all the other little things I do before we had to run back out for me to get my hair cut. We ride over to the salon only to realize it's CLOSED and I had the wrong day. Damnit. So we ride back home and I spend the rest of the evening doing laundry and getting ready for today (how do other moms deal with all this piddly shit we have to do?? Permission slips, book orders, special requests from the teacher, signing off on their behavior for the day, lunch for tomorrow, etc. No wonder Michelle Duggar homeschools!). Around 10:30 when I'm getting ready for bed, MM texts me from the basement to ask if he's quarantined. He really thought I would hang out with him when I got home. I told him that yes, he was quarantined and no, I wasn't going to share space with him especially if he was nauseous and had the runs. Why put myself in that position? Because we know that if I get sick ain't no one going to take care of anything until I drag my sorry ass out of bed and do it myself. Then he asks if I have canceled the cleaning lady for today. Because she shouldn't be coming to the house if he's sick. Ok, wait. You want me to come hang out with you while you're sick but you don't want to put the cleaning lady in any danger? What?! So I told him no, she was coming and I wanted her to clean the germs.
I'm waiting to find out that I've been Punk'd.
About 15 minutes after sitting my ass in my chair, the phone rings. It's my darling husband. He is FREAKING OUT. Why you ask? Because while he was taking the kid to the bus (he's Mr. Mom) the dog decided that she was going to eat the frozen steaks I set on the counter to thaw. Yup. She opened the ziploc back and ate the steaks, foil and all. Mr. Mom (MM) was freaking out because the dog just ate $30 worth of steak. Not that the dog ate frozen meat and foil, but that he was out $30 for steak. "Something has to be done!" he yelled at me. Uh, ok, what would you like me to do? "She needs training or something!" Ok, so find her some. And then take her to it. But we all know that isn't his plan. His plan is that *I* find the training and that *I* take the dog to it. Because really, I'm sitting around eating bon bons all day with nothing else to do. So I let him rant and then hung up.
Later on that day MM emails me to let me know he's sick with flu-like symptoms. I tell him to go lay down, take some tylenol and some immodium and chill out. Later I get home with the kid and we run around like crazy for an hour doing laundry, taking care of the dog and doing all the other little things I do before we had to run back out for me to get my hair cut. We ride over to the salon only to realize it's CLOSED and I had the wrong day. Damnit. So we ride back home and I spend the rest of the evening doing laundry and getting ready for today (how do other moms deal with all this piddly shit we have to do?? Permission slips, book orders, special requests from the teacher, signing off on their behavior for the day, lunch for tomorrow, etc. No wonder Michelle Duggar homeschools!). Around 10:30 when I'm getting ready for bed, MM texts me from the basement to ask if he's quarantined. He really thought I would hang out with him when I got home. I told him that yes, he was quarantined and no, I wasn't going to share space with him especially if he was nauseous and had the runs. Why put myself in that position? Because we know that if I get sick ain't no one going to take care of anything until I drag my sorry ass out of bed and do it myself. Then he asks if I have canceled the cleaning lady for today. Because she shouldn't be coming to the house if he's sick. Ok, wait. You want me to come hang out with you while you're sick but you don't want to put the cleaning lady in any danger? What?! So I told him no, she was coming and I wanted her to clean the germs.
I'm waiting to find out that I've been Punk'd.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Fore!!!
I came in to work today thinking about the gays and some crazy ass website I found yesterday that wants to convert homos back to heteros. There was just SO MUCH to talk about with that site. But I guess I'll have to file that away for another day when I have writer's block because today all I can think about is Tiger Woods.
Yep. Tiger "I can't keep it in my pants" Woods. The same Tiger Woods we've all watched grow up. The one pro athlete that we all thought was actually GOOD. Like, had a family, was a great dad, a charitable person type of good. And in one fateful night that was all shot to hell.
Now, a few things here. First of all, his statement about how he was shocked at the media focus on him on this issue is just ridiculous. Tiger clearly has people. Lots of people. He is VERY well managed. He's been trained. Don't try to tell me that you're shocked at the media attention. You're one of the most well known athletes in the world, buddy. You have a hemorrhoid and everyone wants to knows about it. I don't care how tight your circle is. You have made over a billion dollars playing golf (of all things!). You're a phenom. People are fascinated and in turn, want to know more about what makes you so great.
Secondly, I do agree that just because you're famous doesn't mean that you have to tell the world every intimate detail about your life. You are still a human and have a right to your privacy. BUT (and that's a big but here), I also feel that with the fame and fortune comes the necessity to speak to the media and put some stuff out there. I HATE when celebrities think they are too good to talk to the press. Yes, I absolutely think the press is way too intrusive sometimes, but when you live your life in the public eye, there are some things that go along with that. Good or bad, that's the deal. If you don't like it, then stop cashing the checks.
Thirdly, what is with pro athletes and their inability to keep it in their pants? Seriously. Kobe Bryant taking up with a 19 year old? Tiger with 3 women (at least that we know of) on the side? Michael Jordan? Magic Johnson? There are tons of examples. But I just don't get it. Is it that you have all the fame and fortune but still have that gaping hole in your life? All of these men have beautiful wives and families at home and they are out boinking some mediocre chick in Vegas (or Colorado, or Chicago, or wherever). I wonder if these wives even think about this sort of thing before walking down the aisle. Is it just accepted that this will happen?
The current Tiger rumor is that he's offering his wife big money to stay with him. Like millions and millions of dollars. Word is that his people think she helps his image. I wonder what she thinks. I hope to god that it's more along the lines of "Does he even really love me?" and not "Well, I would never have to work again!"
And when you have a bazillion kajillion dollars, people are going to screw you over to get some of it. So when that cocktail waitress comes up to you in Vegas, you can bet your ass she's going to sell you down the river when the whole scene comes to light. Everyone has bills to pay and society ain't what it use to be. The rags will pay the chick and her life will go on while yours may be damaged forever.
Yep. Tiger "I can't keep it in my pants" Woods. The same Tiger Woods we've all watched grow up. The one pro athlete that we all thought was actually GOOD. Like, had a family, was a great dad, a charitable person type of good. And in one fateful night that was all shot to hell.
Now, a few things here. First of all, his statement about how he was shocked at the media focus on him on this issue is just ridiculous. Tiger clearly has people. Lots of people. He is VERY well managed. He's been trained. Don't try to tell me that you're shocked at the media attention. You're one of the most well known athletes in the world, buddy. You have a hemorrhoid and everyone wants to knows about it. I don't care how tight your circle is. You have made over a billion dollars playing golf (of all things!). You're a phenom. People are fascinated and in turn, want to know more about what makes you so great.
Secondly, I do agree that just because you're famous doesn't mean that you have to tell the world every intimate detail about your life. You are still a human and have a right to your privacy. BUT (and that's a big but here), I also feel that with the fame and fortune comes the necessity to speak to the media and put some stuff out there. I HATE when celebrities think they are too good to talk to the press. Yes, I absolutely think the press is way too intrusive sometimes, but when you live your life in the public eye, there are some things that go along with that. Good or bad, that's the deal. If you don't like it, then stop cashing the checks.
Thirdly, what is with pro athletes and their inability to keep it in their pants? Seriously. Kobe Bryant taking up with a 19 year old? Tiger with 3 women (at least that we know of) on the side? Michael Jordan? Magic Johnson? There are tons of examples. But I just don't get it. Is it that you have all the fame and fortune but still have that gaping hole in your life? All of these men have beautiful wives and families at home and they are out boinking some mediocre chick in Vegas (or Colorado, or Chicago, or wherever). I wonder if these wives even think about this sort of thing before walking down the aisle. Is it just accepted that this will happen?
The current Tiger rumor is that he's offering his wife big money to stay with him. Like millions and millions of dollars. Word is that his people think she helps his image. I wonder what she thinks. I hope to god that it's more along the lines of "Does he even really love me?" and not "Well, I would never have to work again!"
And when you have a bazillion kajillion dollars, people are going to screw you over to get some of it. So when that cocktail waitress comes up to you in Vegas, you can bet your ass she's going to sell you down the river when the whole scene comes to light. Everyone has bills to pay and society ain't what it use to be. The rags will pay the chick and her life will go on while yours may be damaged forever.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Happy, happy, joy, joy
Have you ever meet someone who is just perpetually unhappy? Someone who no matter what wonderful things happen to them they are still just not happy? Well, I know someone like that and it's maddening.
I complain. I probably complain more than I should. But I can also see the joy and happiness in things. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve so I get why people may think I'm unhappy sometimes. But when I'm really happy, it shows. I don't do Tom Cruise couch jumping but I will get a big goofy smile and I will get all jittery and jumpy.
Now for me to be happy I don't need jewels or fancy toys (although those don't hurt either). I get really excited about doing stuff for other people. I get it when Oprah talks about shit like that. And I'm not some do-gooder that runs around doing charity work. I have a life of my own that I can barely keep up with. Sure, if I was a lady of leisure I would probably do some charity work, but hell, for right now, I'm looking for someone to give ME some charity. But I digress.
I get a lot of joy out of watching my kid do things. I get joy out of travel and experiencing new things. I get joy out of spending time with my family. Some pretty basic, simple things. What is wrong with people that they can't see the joy in things like this?
My very own darling husband is one of these...shall we say...joyless people. It's not to say that he's not ever happy, but he's just never satisfied. You could hand the man $1 million in cash and he wouldn't be happy. There would be some initial happiness but then he would go on about how it's not enough and how there needs to be more. Shit, if someone handed me a million bucks in cash I would run through the streets naked (and I'm willing to test this if anyone is willing to give me the dough - for keeps).
The Top Gay confronted my husband on this very issue today (not being happy that is) and my darling's response? "Fuck you!" Yep, there you have it folks.
I like to think that I enjoy my life. Sure it's got it's ups and downs but in general, I'm happy. I always wish I could do more, but I'm grateful for the things I DO get to do. I make a big effort to please myself (not like THAT gutter-heads!). I work hard and I make sure I play hard too. I've earned it! So I just don't get these people that sit around and moan and groan about their lives. Again, I'm not saying I haven't, but when people say things to me like "I WISH I could do that" I just don't GET it. You CAN do whatever you want! You just need to make yourself a priority. Make YOURSELF happy and you will make others happy too. Really, it's not that hard.
I complain. I probably complain more than I should. But I can also see the joy and happiness in things. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve so I get why people may think I'm unhappy sometimes. But when I'm really happy, it shows. I don't do Tom Cruise couch jumping but I will get a big goofy smile and I will get all jittery and jumpy.
Now for me to be happy I don't need jewels or fancy toys (although those don't hurt either). I get really excited about doing stuff for other people. I get it when Oprah talks about shit like that. And I'm not some do-gooder that runs around doing charity work. I have a life of my own that I can barely keep up with. Sure, if I was a lady of leisure I would probably do some charity work, but hell, for right now, I'm looking for someone to give ME some charity. But I digress.
I get a lot of joy out of watching my kid do things. I get joy out of travel and experiencing new things. I get joy out of spending time with my family. Some pretty basic, simple things. What is wrong with people that they can't see the joy in things like this?
My very own darling husband is one of these...shall we say...joyless people. It's not to say that he's not ever happy, but he's just never satisfied. You could hand the man $1 million in cash and he wouldn't be happy. There would be some initial happiness but then he would go on about how it's not enough and how there needs to be more. Shit, if someone handed me a million bucks in cash I would run through the streets naked (and I'm willing to test this if anyone is willing to give me the dough - for keeps).
The Top Gay confronted my husband on this very issue today (not being happy that is) and my darling's response? "Fuck you!" Yep, there you have it folks.
I like to think that I enjoy my life. Sure it's got it's ups and downs but in general, I'm happy. I always wish I could do more, but I'm grateful for the things I DO get to do. I make a big effort to please myself (not like THAT gutter-heads!). I work hard and I make sure I play hard too. I've earned it! So I just don't get these people that sit around and moan and groan about their lives. Again, I'm not saying I haven't, but when people say things to me like "I WISH I could do that" I just don't GET it. You CAN do whatever you want! You just need to make yourself a priority. Make YOURSELF happy and you will make others happy too. Really, it's not that hard.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
MyFace
Peeps, I need to speak to you dramatically and in a serious tone about something that is dangerous and inauthentic; a farce that is chapping. my. ass. Growing squat on a continuous diet of evolving lies, we look at our bestest ff's and say "who [the fuck] ARE you?". This pandemic of make-believe threatens both our well-being and gag reflexes.
I'm talking about Facebook posers.
You know who you are. Trouble is, the rest of your friends don't.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but Facebook (MySpace, et al) is a social networking site. It's a place where humans of all ages express and share themselves in a very self-indulgent way. We are all leading-role celebrities of our very own Facebook profiles: the CEO, the director, the alpha, the omega. We envision our fans hanging on every word, every latte, every frustrating experience at the mall. And this is perfectly OK, because in the process of documenting every tedious detail, we connect with other people on the planet - our friends and families - and sometimes feel a hair less alone.
Occasionally, however, a Facebook profiler becomes confused between who they actually are and who they want to be. The lines of reality become increasingly blurred, and, from the waters of delusion, a Poser is born (sorta like Glamour Shots. Stop that, it's embarrassing for all of us, you don't really look like that). Facebook becomes an image management and/or business tool, which fucks it up for the rest of us who are busy being our flawed, wart-covered selves.
Exclamation point overusers: knock it off. You're never that perky in person, so stop acting all polyanna.
Post deleters: Stop censoring what I say. I don't care if so-and-so and can see that, you shouldn't have friended aunt pearl if she doesn't know your daughter's in rehab or you got botox this year. You're an adult now. Adults don't have to hide from mommy (anymore).
Sunshine spewers: Again, this wouldn't be so hard to take if you weren't so evil in real life. Stop pretending like you don't get pissed off because it's irritating and very Stepford Wives of you to deny your human range of emotions. Besides, perfect people are boring and suck.
Stop being obsessed with what other people think. There is buckets of freedom in that. Regardless of what you say/post/do/think/kill/buy, they will judge you anyway.
Be yourself, all the parts, whomever that happens to be at the moment. Be real with us. Yes, even on Facebook.
I'm talking about Facebook posers.
You know who you are. Trouble is, the rest of your friends don't.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but Facebook (MySpace, et al) is a social networking site. It's a place where humans of all ages express and share themselves in a very self-indulgent way. We are all leading-role celebrities of our very own Facebook profiles: the CEO, the director, the alpha, the omega. We envision our fans hanging on every word, every latte, every frustrating experience at the mall. And this is perfectly OK, because in the process of documenting every tedious detail, we connect with other people on the planet - our friends and families - and sometimes feel a hair less alone.
Occasionally, however, a Facebook profiler becomes confused between who they actually are and who they want to be. The lines of reality become increasingly blurred, and, from the waters of delusion, a Poser is born (sorta like Glamour Shots. Stop that, it's embarrassing for all of us, you don't really look like that). Facebook becomes an image management and/or business tool, which fucks it up for the rest of us who are busy being our flawed, wart-covered selves.
Exclamation point overusers: knock it off. You're never that perky in person, so stop acting all polyanna.
Post deleters: Stop censoring what I say. I don't care if so-and-so and can see that, you shouldn't have friended aunt pearl if she doesn't know your daughter's in rehab or you got botox this year. You're an adult now. Adults don't have to hide from mommy (anymore).
Sunshine spewers: Again, this wouldn't be so hard to take if you weren't so evil in real life. Stop pretending like you don't get pissed off because it's irritating and very Stepford Wives of you to deny your human range of emotions. Besides, perfect people are boring and suck.
Stop being obsessed with what other people think. There is buckets of freedom in that. Regardless of what you say/post/do/think/kill/buy, they will judge you anyway.
Be yourself, all the parts, whomever that happens to be at the moment. Be real with us. Yes, even on Facebook.
Horrified Laughter
I am sitting here listening to Christmas music. There, I said it. I have Pandora open and I am listening to a Christmas channel. It is not like me to be taken over by the Christmas spirit, but for some reason I have been. Hopefully it won't last long. I know Jesus wouldn't approve. Especially from a heathen like me.
Speaking of Christmas, I was directed to the website StandforChristmas.com yesterday. Yup, another gem from Focus on the Family. This little website allows the good (har!) Christians of the world to both rate and comment on big box stores that "remember the reason for the season." So, for example, The Gap is the devil incarnate because they say "Happy Holidays" and not "Merry Christmas". Bass Pro Shops are considered "friendly" because they greet people with the old MC.
Dana from Texas writes:
Totally disgusted with Best Buy. Got my weekly ad in the paper wishing everyone a Happy Eid al-Adha. Never saw anything from BB wishing customers a Happy Thanksgiving or Merry Christmas. Didn't realize BB only had Muslim customers. I have spent 10+ thousand at BB over the past two years. Won't spend another penny there. BB hope you have a Happy Eid al-Adha. I'll be having a very Merry Christmas spending my $$$'s at another electronic store that realizes they are in America.
Gee Dana, let us consider that the muslim holiday of Eid al-Adha fell on November 27th this year. The same day as Black Friday. Should Best Buy ignore an entire demographic because it offends you? What about the fact that this holiday is about charity and making sure that no one goes without a meal? Because a big, scary muslim practices charity this must mean it's wrong. I guess this also interferes with your need to get a good deal and spend money on Christmas - the real "reason for the season" right? And doesn't spending $10K+ on electronics over 2 years full under the category of gluttony? Or is it greed?
Another concerned Christian writes:
Just bought an ipod from Best Buy, but then learned of their anti-Christmas/pro -Eid al Adha actions. I so regret having purchased from them. Best Buy, give glory to the one who has allowed and attributed to your success...Jesus Christ, not Mohammed!
If you're so offended, then why didn't you RETURN the iPod and buy it somewhere more Jesus-friendly? Best Buy can't be all that bad if you're willing to keep the good deal you got.
When reviewing The Gap comments I found this gem:
I just watched the commercial for GAP, I was truly repulsed when they mentioned that we should liberate and how they put Christmas next to solstice. Pretty much what they said was we need to break free and do what we feel is right which goes against everything for this Christmas season.
I guess this Christian forgot that all of their religious holidays were formed out of pagan beliefs (solstice). I guess doing what you feel is right is also against Christian beliefs.
Then we have this:
Very offended by the recent advertisement. How dare they suggest we celebrate what we want? This is a Christian nation.
Yes! How DARE they suggest you celebrate anything that you aren't directly told to celebrate by your priest! No birthdays! No promotions! No retirements! And since when is this a Christian nation? I thought we were the land of the free and all that jazz? Last I checked we didn't have a Taliban-like group restricting our beliefs to Christianity. But maybe I missed something. Y'know, like the First Amendment and that whole separation of church and state thing.
And lastly these two (or else I will spend all day talking about this):
What in the world is up with their latest ad?? What a slap in the face to the TRUE meaning of Christmas. I was shocked and offended when I heard the mention of the other religions in a Christmas commercial! Shame on you Gap, I will never frequent your stores.
I was SHOCKED at the TV ad! Such a blatant choice to exclude the Christian community. Now we must blatantly choose to exclude the Gap from our shopping experience!
A) Isn't it a little presumptuous to assume this is a CHRISTMAS commercial? What about all of the other religious holidays that occur between now and the new year?
Which goes hand in hand with....
B) Don't you think that the Jews and Muslims and all the other religious groups feel excluded when everything is tagged as Christmas??
To quote something I saw on Facebook (of all places!) "I think that religious wars are just a fight over who has the best imaginary friend."
Speaking of Christmas, I was directed to the website StandforChristmas.com yesterday. Yup, another gem from Focus on the Family. This little website allows the good (har!) Christians of the world to both rate and comment on big box stores that "remember the reason for the season." So, for example, The Gap is the devil incarnate because they say "Happy Holidays" and not "Merry Christmas". Bass Pro Shops are considered "friendly" because they greet people with the old MC.
Dana from Texas writes:
Totally disgusted with Best Buy. Got my weekly ad in the paper wishing everyone a Happy Eid al-Adha. Never saw anything from BB wishing customers a Happy Thanksgiving or Merry Christmas. Didn't realize BB only had Muslim customers. I have spent 10+ thousand at BB over the past two years. Won't spend another penny there. BB hope you have a Happy Eid al-Adha. I'll be having a very Merry Christmas spending my $$$'s at another electronic store that realizes they are in America.
Gee Dana, let us consider that the muslim holiday of Eid al-Adha fell on November 27th this year. The same day as Black Friday. Should Best Buy ignore an entire demographic because it offends you? What about the fact that this holiday is about charity and making sure that no one goes without a meal? Because a big, scary muslim practices charity this must mean it's wrong. I guess this also interferes with your need to get a good deal and spend money on Christmas - the real "reason for the season" right? And doesn't spending $10K+ on electronics over 2 years full under the category of gluttony? Or is it greed?
Another concerned Christian writes:
Just bought an ipod from Best Buy, but then learned of their anti-Christmas/pro -Eid al Adha actions. I so regret having purchased from them. Best Buy, give glory to the one who has allowed and attributed to your success...Jesus Christ, not Mohammed!
If you're so offended, then why didn't you RETURN the iPod and buy it somewhere more Jesus-friendly? Best Buy can't be all that bad if you're willing to keep the good deal you got.
When reviewing The Gap comments I found this gem:
I just watched the commercial for GAP, I was truly repulsed when they mentioned that we should liberate and how they put Christmas next to solstice. Pretty much what they said was we need to break free and do what we feel is right which goes against everything for this Christmas season.
I guess this Christian forgot that all of their religious holidays were formed out of pagan beliefs (solstice). I guess doing what you feel is right is also against Christian beliefs.
Then we have this:
Very offended by the recent advertisement. How dare they suggest we celebrate what we want? This is a Christian nation.
Yes! How DARE they suggest you celebrate anything that you aren't directly told to celebrate by your priest! No birthdays! No promotions! No retirements! And since when is this a Christian nation? I thought we were the land of the free and all that jazz? Last I checked we didn't have a Taliban-like group restricting our beliefs to Christianity. But maybe I missed something. Y'know, like the First Amendment and that whole separation of church and state thing.
And lastly these two (or else I will spend all day talking about this):
What in the world is up with their latest ad?? What a slap in the face to the TRUE meaning of Christmas. I was shocked and offended when I heard the mention of the other religions in a Christmas commercial! Shame on you Gap, I will never frequent your stores.
I was SHOCKED at the TV ad! Such a blatant choice to exclude the Christian community. Now we must blatantly choose to exclude the Gap from our shopping experience!
A) Isn't it a little presumptuous to assume this is a CHRISTMAS commercial? What about all of the other religious holidays that occur between now and the new year?
Which goes hand in hand with....
B) Don't you think that the Jews and Muslims and all the other religious groups feel excluded when everything is tagged as Christmas??
To quote something I saw on Facebook (of all places!) "I think that religious wars are just a fight over who has the best imaginary friend."
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Starvation and piercings
So I was emailing with co-blogger (ahem) H today. I had just finished up my oh-so-filling Lean Cuisine lunch and was wondering what the hell I was going to eat the rest of the day. I work in a medical office where we get free lunches from the big drug companies. These bountiful buffets arrive about 3-4 times per week. Anything from Panera, Olive Garden, Qdoba, to all out catered affairs (last week we had prime rib, potatoes, veggies, rolls, the works!). I'm use to eating real meals for lunch. Of course this is probably why I'm perfecting the "secretary spread" but whatever. Sadly, today we have no lunch. Yes, this makes the natives restless. Kind of like when we DO get lunch but it doesn't come with dessert. Yeah, we're spoiled. Deal with it.
Anyway, since there was no meal today, I dug into the office freezer and found an old Lean Cuisine meal I had stored in there. Cheese ravioli. Just to clarify, that's 5 cheese raviolis. 5. That's it. No more, no less. You better hope that 5 quarter sized raviolis are going to fill you up cause that's all you get. How do people SURVIVE on this stuff? I mean, it doesn't taste half bad, but really, it's like a morsel of what I normally eat. I get that this is probably a normal serving size and I eat way more than what I should, but damn. Can't they throw in a piece of garlic bread or something?
So after I gorge myself on Lean Cuisine, H sends me an email with photos of people who have tattooed and pierced themselves into oblivion. Having a tattoo myself, I'm all for the whole self-expression thing, but who ARE these people that literally turn themselves into animals? Fanged teeth, cheek implants and a tattooed leopard on your face? How do you even get to that point? And more importantly, what do these people do for a living that let's them look this way and be productive members of society? And as H mentioned, what happens when they are 65? Do they ever regret it? Or are they happy with a droopy leopard face?
And what about those piercings? The email had a man with knives criss-crossed through his nose. WTF? I'm sure it's all for show (hell, it better be!) but wow...just wow. I don't know what I would think if I saw that person in the grocery store. Actually I would probably grab my kid and leave.
For now I'm grabbing my money and leaving. To visit the vending machine that is. Thank god for the vending machine.
Anyway, since there was no meal today, I dug into the office freezer and found an old Lean Cuisine meal I had stored in there. Cheese ravioli. Just to clarify, that's 5 cheese raviolis. 5. That's it. No more, no less. You better hope that 5 quarter sized raviolis are going to fill you up cause that's all you get. How do people SURVIVE on this stuff? I mean, it doesn't taste half bad, but really, it's like a morsel of what I normally eat. I get that this is probably a normal serving size and I eat way more than what I should, but damn. Can't they throw in a piece of garlic bread or something?
So after I gorge myself on Lean Cuisine, H sends me an email with photos of people who have tattooed and pierced themselves into oblivion. Having a tattoo myself, I'm all for the whole self-expression thing, but who ARE these people that literally turn themselves into animals? Fanged teeth, cheek implants and a tattooed leopard on your face? How do you even get to that point? And more importantly, what do these people do for a living that let's them look this way and be productive members of society? And as H mentioned, what happens when they are 65? Do they ever regret it? Or are they happy with a droopy leopard face?
And what about those piercings? The email had a man with knives criss-crossed through his nose. WTF? I'm sure it's all for show (hell, it better be!) but wow...just wow. I don't know what I would think if I saw that person in the grocery store. Actually I would probably grab my kid and leave.
For now I'm grabbing my money and leaving. To visit the vending machine that is. Thank god for the vending machine.
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