MyFace

Peeps, I need to speak to you dramatically and in a serious tone about something that is dangerous and inauthentic; a farce that is chapping. my. ass. Growing squat on a continuous diet of evolving lies, we look at our bestest ff's and say "who [the fuck] ARE you?". This pandemic of make-believe threatens both our well-being and gag reflexes.

I'm talking about Facebook posers.

You know who you are. Trouble is, the rest of your friends don't.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but Facebook (MySpace, et al) is a social networking site. It's a place where humans of all ages express and share themselves in a very self-indulgent way. We are all leading-role celebrities of our very own Facebook profiles: the CEO, the director, the alpha, the omega. We envision our fans hanging on every word, every latte, every frustrating experience at the mall. And this is perfectly OK, because in the process of documenting every tedious detail, we connect with other people on the planet - our friends and families - and sometimes feel a hair less alone.

Occasionally, however, a Facebook profiler becomes confused between who they actually are and who they want to be. The lines of reality become increasingly blurred, and, from the waters of delusion, a Poser is born (sorta like Glamour Shots. Stop that, it's embarrassing for all of us, you don't really look like that). Facebook becomes an image management and/or business tool, which fucks it up for the rest of us who are busy being our flawed, wart-covered selves.

Exclamation point overusers: knock it off. You're never that perky in person, so stop acting all polyanna.


Post deleters: Stop censoring what I say. I don't care if so-and-so and can see that, you shouldn't have friended aunt pearl if she doesn't know your daughter's in rehab or you got botox this year. You're an adult now. Adults don't have to hide from mommy (anymore).


Sunshine spewers: Again, this wouldn't be so hard to take if you weren't so evil in real life. Stop pretending like you don't get pissed off because it's irritating and very Stepford Wives of you to deny your human range of emotions. Besides, perfect people are boring and suck.

Stop being obsessed with what other people think. There is buckets of freedom in that. Regardless of what you say/post/do/think/kill/buy, they will judge you anyway.

Be yourself, all the parts, whomever that happens to be at the moment. Be real with us. Yes, even on Facebook.